


The Dreams in Which I'm Dying

by wednesdays__child



Series: Mad World [4]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 08:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8136704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wednesdays__child/pseuds/wednesdays__child
Summary: The morning after Hotch's night of heavy drinking and his surprising confession of what happened with Mr. Scratch. Where will he and Spencer go from here?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Part Four of Mad World.
> 
> Still Unbetaed - sorry. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> Title from the song Mad World by Gary Jules.

*************

_If people have death dreams, it might only mean that they should face death. It doesn't mean that death will actually happen but that they must come to a naked confrontation with the fact that their life might come to an end. - Marie-Louise von Franz_

Warmth.

It was the first thing Aaron felt. It was so strange and foreign to him that he settled back into sleep, knowing he wasn't done dreaming. His dreams lately had been so vivid, so violent, that he was jolted awake every morning, sweating and panting, feeling like he was fighting for his life. Dreams of drowning, watching the surface of the water slip away as he was pulled under it's depths. Dreams of suffocating, pressed beneath mounds of earth as nature tried to bring him back under. Dust to dust. And every morning, as he felt the last of his air escape and the last of his energy drain away, he smiled. It was peaceful and serene somehow. It was over. All of it. 

Over.

But this? This was different. He was warm and safe and he knew that the dream wasn't over yet. He waited for his death.

It didn't come. Instead, he listened to the soft breath of the person behind him. This was a frightening moment for him. He fought to remember what had happened. As wakefulness began to rise up, the evening before began to come back to him. The drinking, Spencer coming over, the kiss.

The Kiss.

They'd kissed.

Aaron quickly sat up in shock. The sudden movement shook up his aching head and swirling stomach and he gagged, his hand flying to cover his mouth. A small garbage can was pressed into his hands just in time to catch his stomach contents. The smell of rancid scotch and bile made his stomach roll again. Hotch groaned as he vomited up all the contents of his stomach, wishing that he had actually eaten something the night before instead of just drinking himself stupid.

As his belly stopped rolling, he noted Spencer was still there, stroking his back and whispering soft words in his ear. 

"Reid," he groaned, his head aching and his throat burning. 

Spencer chuckled lightly. "I watched over you all night and now I'm sitting with you as you throw up in a trash can. I think you should call me Spencer, Aaron."

Despite the pain, Hotch chuckled. "All right. Spencer it is." He took a deep breath, not too deep, he didn't want to start another round of vomiting, before whispering, "Thank you."

He felt Spencer shift behind him and slip around to grab the container. "Of course." Holding out his hand, he asked, "Think you can take a shower?"

"Are you saying I smell?"

"No, I'm saying you reek," Spencer chuckled lightly. "Alcohol sweat is the worst. Why don't you go take a shower and I'll check on Jack?"

Aaron nodded slowly, just enough to show Spencer that he understood without setting off his stomach again. Looking at himself in the mirror of the bathroom, thankful for the low light from the hallway, he wondered how he got to this point and what he was going to do now. 

He stared at himself.

And then he stared some more.

Finally, he heard commotion in the apartment, laughter and excited chatter, something he hadn't heard in far too long. With Spencer here, maybe things could finally be different, better, back to the way they should be.

Stepping out of the shower, Aaron wiped the condensation from the mirror, debating with himself whether or not he should shave. He liked letting his facial hair grow, it was his little bit of rebellion against his norm. It made him feel like he still had some power. But Jack hated it so he'd continued to shave. As he reached for his supplies, he noticed the glass of water and ibuprofen sitting on the counter, waiting for him. He smiled as he swallowed down the pills and drained the water before decided against shaving.

Aaron slipped into a pair of soft, worn jeans before pulling on an old henley. Forsaking shoes, he slowly made his way down the hall toward the kitchen, toward the sounds of happiness in his home. 

"Hey," Spencer called, a small smile on his face. "Going with the scruffy look today?"

"I was under the impression that nerds like scruffy looking nerf herders."

Jack giggled. "Dad only makes nerd jokes when you're here," Jack mock whispered to Spencer.

"Your dad's a bigger nerd than he likes to admit," Spencer mock whispered back. The smiles on their faces nearly made Aaron forget the pain he was in. "Here. Drink this."

Hotch looked down at the offending liquid in the mug Spencer passed him. "What is this?" he asked as he brought it to his lips.

"Pickle juice."

Aaron nearly gagged as the salty liquid hit his lips. "What?!? Why?"

Spencer chuckled as he reached over and pressed the mug to the older man's lips once again. "Electrolytes," he explained. "The brine of the pickle is extremely rich in electrolytes and will help alleviate the symptoms of your hangover. Drinking just water will not hydrate you enough after a night of heavy drinking. This will help. Trust me."

Swallowing down the salty liquid, Aaron grimaced. He hoped Spencer was right about this.

"Done this often?" he asked.

"You forget." the younger man answered with a smile. "I was just a teenager when I was in college. I nursed more than a couple of friends through nasty hangovers. Trial and error taught me the best ways to take care of these. You'll feel better in no time. Promise."

Aaron let himself be directed to a chair at the table before Jack set a plate before him. Scrambled eggs and plain toast with sliced tomatoes and avocado on the side. He smiled up at his son, who softly smiled back. Then Spencer set a cup of green tea at his elbow.

Dutifully, he ate the food and drank the tea while Spencer and Jack chatted happily around him. Slowly, he felt his headache start to ease although his stomach was still touch and go. He looked up at the clock and sighed, "About ready for school, Jack?" He wasn't looking forward to going outside and facing the light of day, but things needed to get done and he couldn't hide away forever.

"Yup," Jack said happily as he jumped up from the table, placing his breakfast dishes in the sink. 

"Don't forget to grab the homework we did this morning," Spencer called after him.

"Okay," Jack answered. Suddenly, the boy was there, bouncing and ready to go. "Ready, Spence."

Hotch jolted at that. "You're...wait...what?"

"I'll take him," Spencer said as he began to head for the door. "I doubt you're in any state to drive and I want to run and get some coffee. What you have here is just a step above station house coffee."

"Did you just insult my coffee choice?"

Spencer stopped at the door and turned, a mischievous smile on his face. "Yes. I'll be back soon."

"Soon?"

"Yeah, I called off today."

"How did you swing that?"

"Told them I was taking a personal day to take care of a friend."

Aaron smiled as Spencer closed the door behind himself and Jack. He grabbed the mug and poured in some more pickle juice before settling on the couch, waiting for Spencer to return. 

*************

Aaron sighed as Spencer continued to write on the legal note pad. 

They had been doing this for over an hour and it was making the headache he had finally gotten rid of come back with a vengeance.

"There's an opening at the academy," Spencer said, placing a checkmark in the left hand column. "Pros. You'd be teaching a whole new class of agents and have a chance to teach profiling. Plus you would be close by. We could meet up for lunch and things when I'm not out of town on cases."

"Con," Aaron countered. "I don't know if I can go back to the FBI. Even at the academy. I don't know that I can do that. I don't know that I could go there after everything."

"Okay. You could always go back to law," the younger man offered, flipping the page and starting over. "Pros. You were a good attorney. You left the Federal Prosecutor's Office under good circumstances. You've maintained your BAR card. Plus you've got the suits for court."

Aaron chuckled lightly as Spencer put multiple checkmarks in the Pro side. "Con. I won't work for DOJ and that's who I'd be under for the Federal Prosecutor. After what they put me through..."

"Fair enough," Spencer interrupted, putting a large, black line through that one. "Here's an interesting thought - trial prep consulting."

"What?" Aaron asked, rubbing his temples in tight circles.

"Trial prep consultant. It's a specialized field that is becoming more popular lately. Usually it's for defence attorneys but some prosecutors are using them too. It's quite fascinating, actually. They help with all the trial preparation including prepping the witnesses, getting exhibits ready and helping with jury selection. Pros. You'd get a chance to use your law and your profiling experience. You'd help put the bad guys away without having to do all the footwork of being an attorney. Plus you could be an independent consultant so you'd set your own hours and only work with the clients you wanted to."

"Cons. I don't really know too much about it and it might be slow going to start, but..." Aaron paused before looking up at Spencer, a slow smile spreading across his face, "That doesn't sound too bad."

"Excellent," Spencer smiled back, putting a big circle around the title on the page. "Last one. Criminology professor."

Aaron raised a single eyebrow at that.

"Let me finish," the younger man started. "I know a professor that has been teaching at both Harvard and Georgetown. She's decided not to teach at both next semester so her Criminal Justice classes at Georgetown will need to be covered. It would include the Masters as well as the Graduate students. Pros. You'd be training people how to profile and catch the bad guys and people do love to hear you speak. Plus, it would fill my 'sleeping with the sexy professor' fantasy."

Aaron chuckled softly at that. "Blake?" he asked. When Spencer nodded, he added, "Con. She probably asked you first." Another nod. "Besides, I'm not really an academic. I don't have any experience setting lesson plans or syllabuses...or is that syllabi?"

"It's syllabi. And Alex already has all of that ready to go. Besides, I could help."

"You plan on sticking around, Spencer?" Hotch asked, his face serious but his tone hopeful.

Setting the pad on the coffee table, the young man slid closer before reaching out to cup a stubbled cheek. "I do...if you'll let me."

"Why?" Aaron asked, his voice strained as he looked up into hazel eyes. "Why me? I'm an old, broken man with no job and a young son who resents him. You've got so much to offer someone, Spencer. What do I have?"

"You're not old," Spencer started before the Hotchner glare stopped him cold. "Okay, fifteen years older than me but I've always been attracted to older. You're not broken. You are one of the strongest people that I know. You've had so much happen and still you fight. You never gave up on us. Never. Jack doesn't resent you. He's just having to work through a lot right now, just like you. But you've always been his hero. And I'm not worried about you not having a job right away. You'll get something. And I'm happy to help out. I have some money stashed away from some of the patents I have and some of the articles I've had published."

Aaron's hand slipped up to cover the warm one still on his face. "Spencer, I should probably admit something to you now."

He watched as Spencer's face fell slightly. He tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace. "I don't need the money. None of this is about money. I got a pretty good package from the FBI for my retirement and it's not like I even need to work."

"What are saying?"

"I have money, Spencer. Family money. I don't touch it because I never wanted to rely on it. Plus when Haley died, the insurance money all went into a trust for Jack, so he's set. Because Sean is in prison, I have control of the Hotchner fortune."

Spencer sat back, a look of surprise on him face. "Hotchner fort...fortune? Just how much fortune are we talking here?"

Aaron ducked his head before mumbling, "Around seventeen million?" He waited for it - the yelling, the denial, the accusations. Instead, he heard Spencer break out in laughter. He looked over and Spencer was leaning back against the arm of the couch. 

"Seventeen million, Aaron?" he asked between gasping breaths. 

"Yeah," Hotch admitted, still shocked at the other man's reaction. 

"So you could be my sugar daddy?" Spencer teased with a mischievous smirk on his beautiful features. 

Aaron groaned at the words, a little shocked at his reaction to the terminology. 

"Like that, do you?" Suddenly, Aaron found himself with a lapfull of smirking, sinful genius. "I like it," Spencer practically purred as he ducked his head to press a small kiss to his cheek before slowly working his lips up toward Aaron's ear, quickly nipping at the sensitive lobe. 

Aaron moaned softly, half in pleasure, half in pain. His hangover was still making his head throb but it had been a long time since anyone had shown him this type of attention. Soon, Spencer's lips found his again and his fingers found their way into soft, chestnut curls. He let the kiss linger, lost in this beautiful man's orbit, just like he always knew he would. Finally, he gripped tightly at the base of Spencer's skull, gently pulling the younger man away.

"What are we doing?" he whispered against those pink, kiss swollen lips.

"Kissing," Spencer teased softly. "Has it really been that long for you?"

Aaron leaned up for another kiss. "I mean, what are we doing, Spencer? Where do you see this going?"

"Besides the bedroom?"

"Christ, Spencer. You have a one track mind."

"Well, twelve years of wanting you will do that to a guy." Aaron stared at him, knowing that Spencer was telling the truth. "I know this is moving a bit fast, but I've been waiting for this a long time. I'm willing to wait, Aaron. We've circled around each other for while but now - now we really have a chance to try. Do you want that?"

Aaron closed his eyes, leaning forward until his forehead rested against Spencer's. Did he want that? Yes, yes he really did want that. But there was so much fighting against them. "I do, but..."

"No buts, Aaron. We both want this. We've known each other a long time. Let's see what happens. It's time."

"Okay," Hotch sighed, his hands moving to roam over the younger man's back. "So, how do we do this?"

Spencer smirked before being chastised by another Hotchner glare. "Dating?" he offered.

"Dating is usually reserved for people to get to know each other," Aaron explained. "I already know everything about you."

"Everything?" Spencer asked. "Are you sure?" When Aaron nodded, he added, "Favorite food?"

"Tikka Masala, heat level two if we are on a case, four if we are home, served with garlic naan charred extra on the edges."

Spencer stared with a look of awe on his face. "Impressive. Favorite color?"

"Lilac."

"Most people just say purple."

"I'm not most people."

Spencer leaned forward, softly brushing their cheeks together. "No, Hotch. No you're not." He leaned back slowly, settling back onto Hotch's knees. "So? We start spending more time together and see how this goes?"

"Sounds like a plan," Aaron answered. "Especially since it seems like I'm going to have a lot of it."

"You'll be busy again before you know it, just wait and see."

"Maybe I'll sit at home and enjoy retirement for a while."

Spencer laughed at that, leaning forward to wrap his arms around the older man's neck. "You won't last. Trust me. I give you six weeks max before you're dying to get back to working."

Aaron chuckled as he leaned in to capture the soft, tempting lips. "We'll see. I just hope..." he paused, afraid of this confession. "I hope you'll be patient with me. I've never been with another man before."

The condemnation he was expecting never came. He stared up into soft, hazel eyes as Spencer whispered softly, "Let me take care of you. We'll go slow. I promise I won't hurt you, Aaron. Just give me - give us a chance."

Spencer reached up, letting his fingers tangle in his short, raven locks. Aaron sighed lightly at the feeling, losing himself in the moment, happy to let Spencer lead where this was going. Lips met again, soft at first, not tentative but exploring. When he felt the lick of Spencer's tongue against the seam, he parted his lips, letting the younger man in. He didn't bother to hold back the soft moan that Spencer eagerly swallowed. Spencer shifted in closer, pressing tightly against his front, making the want and need inside him inch ever higher.

Suddenly, his cell phone began to chime. They both groaned as Aaron reached out to grab the offended device.

"That's my alarm to go pick up Jack," Hotch explained. 

"Well, let's go get Jack."

Spencer wanted to go. He wanted to be a part of Hotch's life, his whole life. If they were going to do this and make it work, they were going to have to do this together. The smile on Aaron's face was brilliant as he followed Spencer off the couch and toward the door.

"Okay. Let's."  
_  
We can't be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don't have something better. - C. JoyBell_

**END**

**Author's Note:**

> Most likely one more installment in this 'verse. Thank you to everyone for all the kudos and comments. It makes Karl happy.


End file.
